Hello Happiness, I Welcome Thee...

Does sacrifice and happiness coexist as antagonists in everyone's life? Is happiness always in a state of flux? Should happiness always be in a state of flux? Does anyone have the answers to prioritization of ones happiness and surroundings of happiness? I know, that is a lot of happiness in one paragraph...

Let me explain why this is the only thing on my mind recently...

Sometime at the end of July a discussion at opportunity to have what one would call a "normal" life occurred. Until recently (the last 12 months), I had considered myself to be a person with a "normal" life. I have a wife, kids, a job, the house, my motorcycle... and yes, even man's best friend. This discussion was the only change that I would have wanted 10 years ago, but dismissed it with the fact that sacrifice for the family is acceptable.

The discussion was working the perfect schedule, "bankers hours".

Once again, until 12 months ago, I would have dismissed it. But my current situation at

my job has my leadership questioned, which does not make me happy. Therefore, this discussion was a seed that at the current point in my life, grew extremely fast. The fact that I had gotten to see my kids every day on my days off ALL summer long, really did not help. The fact that they are back to school currently, does not assist either.

The seed consumed my brain in so many different directions, but mostly involved my kids. I work retail hours right now. This means I work three shifts, 6a-5p, 8a-7p, and 12p-10p. 12 out of the 20 days I work in a month, are 12p-10p. On those days, I see my kids 20 minutes a day. 20 MINUTES! All of the other shifts, I am home just in time to miss supper, or not really be involved in any other activities, such as soccer, karate, and any other sport they may decide to play.

I get one weekend off a month, which allows me time to visit my family up north, with my kids. This means that I do not often get to do anything different on my weekends off, or rarely stay home.

My daughter has recently alerted me that she would like to learn how to play the drums. I would LOVE to be able to teach her, but the days that I have to work, are not easily made to stick to a schedule for such appointments.

My wife never gets a break from the kids, which would also be easier if I were home ev

ery evening and weekend. Not that she needs it, but I know it helps, she enjoys the breaks without being straight up about it.

Obviously in all of these cases, there are benefits that would be nice for me. I would get to go on more motorcycle trips with my biker friends down here, my biker family up north, and maybe even visit my new friends. I would get to make plans in advance, not be tied down to the retail schedule, and not have to worry about being called in for work...

Long story short (not really), I pretty much immediately was open for the idea. "There might be future opportunities opening up." And one did. The only problem was the stability of unknown. The company that I would work for is a strong company with a bright future. There is always outside possibilities that would cause lay-offs. I fully believe at the rate the company is going, it probably won't happen. The last problem is it is the company my wife works for, which would affect us both.

I was still for it, and left the decision with my wife. The answer was no.

I was immediately torn. I could have totally made the decision for myself, and would have been happier than before. (and probably more into the future). BUT my wife would not be as happy. There lies the ultimate question that I started this blog entry with. Does sacrifice and

happiness coexist as antagonists in everyone's life?

I know how the saying goes "Happiness is giving to others". At what point are you allowed to make a choice to give yourself happiness?

I love my kids so much, and have already seen how much I have missed the last almost 7 years of their lives. I know what the future will be bringing, especially if my current company keeps making the same choices that they have been in the past. I know for a fact that my kids will turn out great, because we have learned how to raise them in the current flux of retail scheduling.

So...

I will continue to work my current job with the focus to improve, and grow, and provide leadership necessary. My kids will grow up not seeing me the way that I would like them to. I will go through life with the my kids having school events with only one parent present. But I will not be as happy as I could be, and that is going to be the toughest part, regretfully.

Now.... The positive note.

I am done with my blog, and I leave you with a pic. :)

Why Weight??

It has been 4 years since I was in the best shape of my adult life. 4 years. I was working out 5 days a week, eating healthy, and had an overall confident feeling about what I looked like. I was lifting weights, jogging, and emulating one of my friends who I looked to as a fitness expert. My ultimate goal was to keep from being in the state I am today... edge of medical obesity, and in terrible cardiovascular shape.

It was easy then. I was a Zone Manager at my work, and was able to make a repetition of what I did daily at work. I was able to eat 6 times a day, healthy food at that. I was able to plan my "office" breaks where I worked on the computer, and eat carrots (or something like it). I was able to work out on my lunch breaks, which worked out well. I took time, and planned my meals for the following 7 days, and know exactly how much I needed to buy of everything. I had the support of my wife to work out after work if I was not able to on lunch. I was able to get my weight down to 183lbs (losing 40lbs), even with adding some serious muscle to the mix.

And then....

I received a promotion. I went from working decently hard at work, and working out on my lunch break.... to working hard all day long, even through my lunch. I really wanted to keep going on my breaks. It was a GREAT thing to do. I had paid $165 a year to join the Community Center, and this is a total steal! I was looked at differently. One of my Cuban employees even called me "flaquito", which is spanish for really skinny. I had never felt better in my life....

It is amazing that at the same time of me NOT working out anymore, I stopped eating healthy. Most of the time it was not that I was not eating healthy, it was that I was not eating at all. This usually does not work out very well. Not only are you not pulling the nutrients that are necessary, but you are also screwing up your metabolism. I will tell you that the few times I did eat... it was while I worked, and it was fast food.

Then a few months later, I was diagnosed with cancer. WOW! Talk about a real slap in the face. Best shape of my life... really took care of my body... slap in the face. The worst thing, and probably the part that changed my mind on how much I cared about the shape of my body the most, was my second surgery. It was labeled an RPLND, or Retro-Peritoneal Lymph Node Dissection. Basically... They cut me open from Sternum to 2 inches below my belly-button. While doing this, they went around my belly-button, completely destroying my abs on an almost permanent basis.

I know.... I am still alive. For that reason I am 100% cool with it... and blessed. But it does not assist me in thinking that I can get back to the way I was. I mean, my 6-pack (not beer) was awesome! Luckily, it is still there, and will reform, but with an incision right down the middle. I do not consider myself a man that cares about what people think... especially about my pale freckled body. I did increase the personal pride in accomplishment of how in-shape I was. So when I look at it, it does hinder some of my drive to be healthy.

4 years and 6 days from Cancer diagnosis... I started a "healthy eating" plan. Some call it a diet... and I suppose it is in some aspects. The reason I started it was I had to go to the doctor because I had a nasty cold. This cold was also the 3rd I had in 5 weeks. Something just was not right. When I got the to doc, they needed to take my weight and blood pressure. Let me put this into perspective for a sec.

The medical chart of weight-to-height ratio for me is 174-178lbs.

January 1st, 2006 - I weighed 223lbs

July 14th, 2006 - I weighed 183lbs.

My weight as of January 8th, 2011 - 247lbs.

WOW! Basically, I was 70lbs over the charts. This explained why I could not kick the colds... and why I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. Holy cow! I had to do something about this. After seeing the doc about my foot also, it takes a minimum of 9 months to heal plantar fasciitis with a combo of stretching, weight loss, and proper shoe inserts. The other issue I have is blood pressure. I have been trending about 150/98. This is too high. i know weight has something to do with it, and I know my cardio has a lot to do with it. My family has a history of high blood pressure, so I need to keep it down. So... Immediately I started changing a few things...

I am tracking my food intake even more than I did when I lost weight the last time. I have this awesome Android app called MyFitnessPal. It gives me the ability to track my caloric intake (as well as other nutrients), my exercise, and a few other tools. All for free. I can even track it online, and it syncs with my phone app. I have started out slow on the eating change, gotta shrink my stomach down to a manageable level. I have started out with no exercise, and eating healthy. With the amount of work I do, I have started out with 1850 calories a day. Once I get down to 215lbs, I am going to start an exercise regiment.

I am also drinking a TON of water. I am drinking around 100-133 ounces a day. Other than water, I drink a cup of coffee in the morning... and a beer or two on the weekend. I have not had anything else since I started. I have cut out candy, high-fat content foods, and anything with cheese. I have not touched chocolate since the start (which is really tough).

As of last Friday, 6 weeks later, I am down to 219lbs. I feel amazing! I felt amazing after a few days of drinking nothing but water. I suggest everyone to do just that. I had so much more energy. I am a few short pounds away from being able to start my workout plan (which will consist of something that will not affect my plantar fasciitis). I am currently looking into the Anytime Fitness that just opened up around the corner from my house, which is incredibly convenient. The only issue I have is the price. The rec center in Athens is $165 a year ($13.75 a month). I think the rate at Anytime fitness is around $40 a month. The nice thing is that I can go at 11pm after work, or 10am before work.

I am totally engaged in heading the fit direction that I am heading. I am competing towards my goal of 200lbs with my wife, who has her own goal. Of course, 200 is my initial goal, and as soon as I hit that, I will be focusing on 185lbs, which will be my final goal (depending on outside influences(foot)).

I am 29, and I am not getting younger. My body has shown me in the last few months that if I do not get healthy, I will continue to have ailments. I want to keep in the shape that I expect my kids to work for. I want to be able to play soccer/football/baseball/karate with Jayden when I am 40. I want to be able to ride my bicycle/cheerlead/play sports with Emmi. (did I say cheerlead?) I want to be a part of their lives, and be able to sustain.

To anyone else reading this, why wait? Why wait until it is too late to engage yourself, when there are so many tools to assist you? I realize how much easier it is to eat fast food. It is quick and convenient. Eating healthy takes planning. I spend $12 for my meals I take to work for 5 days. I used to spend $8 on a Wendy's meal. You do the math. Try MyfitnessPal, (I am shanedo1) and try a healthier lifestyle... it will pay off.

I gotta get off here... forgot to mention of how drinking 100 ounces of water a day causes many trips to the bathroom. :)

In Search of my Origin...

I am usually not into assignments of research that are difficult, unless I am getting paid for it. For some odd reason, I have really gotten into finding my origin. There are a few reasons why this has become important to me. Those reasons are not very exciting, so I do not know where the "drive" for answers is coming from.

I think that most of my drive comes from a family member, and a friend, who seems to be more in touch with their lineage. I am not sure whether "in touch" is the proper description. More like, "knowledge with greater ease", of their lineage. I would venture to say the "ease" part is due to the fact the lineage is more directed. They know more about their ancestors because they have less branching out to other races/origins.

Ugh...

I really want to know what I am. It is going to be impossible, and I should probably just call myself irish based on my last name. But that does not mean that I am 100% irish. But is anyone 100% anything anymore?? Ultimately, even if my name is irish descent, my irish ancestors probably moved from another country before ireland was declared a country.

I have read many different origin definitions of the surname Dowell. All of them lead back to the Gaelic form Mac Dubhghaill, which mostly points to Scottish heritage. But the Scots and Welsh came from ireland. So once again, Irish is the focus.

Of course, if you look at my family tree (using husband/wife only), I have English blood, German blood, Irish blood, and Scottish now. Most of this is based off of last names, and will continue to fork out.

If I take this to the furthest degree, and follow surname origins only, I may have 200 differents names, with 50 origins. Out of those 50 origins, I could figure what percentage is what. But should I just say I am Scottish? Or should I go all the way back to Irish?

I guess either way, I am doing some serious Family Tree research, which not many people have done in my family. So I will have something to keep passing down amongst the generations below me. I do not know how far I want to take it above me, because I could certainly enter in siblings, and their children. I feel that it would get pushed way out of whack, and I know there will be discrepancies then.

In all seriousness, some of my drive to do this also is so that my family also has some direction of their past. Believe me, I want that also. I would love to sit down with my Grandpa and Grandma Dowell and show them their lineage, because I am not sure how far back they know. The beauty of this whole project so far is how far back I have the Dowell side.

1690!! That is over 320 years ago. And obviously it goes back further, but I would have to have pretty accurate records from England. John Dowell moved here from England to Greenfield, Va. He was one of the founders of Prince William County, Va.

On the Bulen/Bullen/Boleyn side (who married my Dowell Grandfather), I have been made aware of a famous relative of mine from the past, Anne Boleyn. Here is the wiki articel about her Anne Boleyn Pretty interesting stuff.

I have found on the Harshbarger side (mom's grandmothers lineage) some information on Henry Harshbarger, a sergeant in the Civil War. I actually have a obituary from the Early 1800's of him. But I will not get much further than that, because his parents had a different spelling of the last name. Examples; Harshberger, Hirshberger, Hirshbarger.

Ugh... Again...

So I am finding some pretty cool information, and my Grandmother has given a large amount to work on on my mom's grandmothers side, so it will keep me busy.

I hope to eventually figure out what I am really looking for. I guess I hope it takes some time, because if I figure it out, I will probably stop looking... and the family tree search will be over for all of my family.

Until then, Kiss Me I'm Irish+Scottish+German+English will have to do. Do you think they make t-shirts like that???

:-)

Music and Life...

This is my first droid blog, so hopefully it is not short out of ease frustration.

I LOVE music. Obviously there are genres that I specifically listen to, but I love music. The fact the you can take 2 or more people playing instruments/singing and you can come up with so many styles, variations and types of sounds which create different groups just keeps amazing me. I had always wanted to be in a band, but realize how difficult it is to make it far, or successful in that industry. Not to mention there are so many people out there with far greater talents than I.

I will admit I do not listen to much country, and very little rap, but this does not mean I am not open to it. I am into new age rock more than any other genre of music. Rock in general I have listened to since the mid 90's. I used to listen to heavy metal, and still do on many levels, but realized how closely related it is to the actual rock genre. In fact, most metal bands that were popular in the mid 90's, are pretty much just hard rock bands now.

It is really difficult to pick just one band as my favorite, because there are so many I enjoy listening to at any given time. I would have to say Breaking Benjamin is probably my #1 overall, with Staind being an extremely close 2nd. I have listened to Staind for longer, but only by 2 years. I really enjoy Three Days Grace, Chevelle, Avenged Sevenfold, Seether, godsmack, Papa Roach, and the newest band on my list, Skillet. There are so many bands that I listen to, tough to write them all right now.

Due to the fact I have a couple guys at work that listen to the same genre I do, I have had the opportunity to hears some newer bands, and learn about some older bands. I had heard of skillet before, but never lsitened to them. I have alsolistened to a band recently who may just jump on the scene, called Down Play. 7th Cycle is a local band with talent, but will probably not make it much farther.

Does music influence me? Yes. It influences me to keep listening. To keep enjoying. Does music influence my actions? Not really. I may get emotionally involved in the songs, but it does not change/lead me to act differently. I believe , if anything, that music can be a scapegoat for people that need a reason to do things. It is unfortunate that suicides happen and the words are to blame. I this the misconception is that the words are what caused the action. I think the reality is the person already had the mind made up, but did not know how to word their feelings, and used someone elses.

Music is one of the more difficult choices I have made, in my life decisions when it comes to the reason why my christian path is difficult. Out of all of the vices in my life music, or mostly the bands I listen to are the hardest to give up. I listen to music that obviously is viewed as non-christian rock, other than Skillet. As dumb as it is, it would be tough to give it up.

Anyway... I could very well talk about music all day, but I am draining the battery on my phone. ROCK ON!

Two at Six Years...

Wow... 6 years. 6 years of my twins showing how fast they are growing up daily. I continue to realize how blessed I am, for so many reasons. I am blessed to have a boy and a girl. I am blessed to have healthy kids. I am blessed to have happy kids.

Although I work so much, and do not get to see them as much as my wife, I make the most of it. Up until the kids started in school, each day that I had off with them, we did something fun. We did something that they would choose to be fun.

Man I remember day 1. Michelle was bed ridden, due to the c-section. So I got to spend the first so many days with the kids, changing their first diapers, and feeding them with ease. We got to spend a lot of time with Emmi at the beginning, due to them watching Jayden closely due to a heart murmur. My favorite memory was of Jayden laying on his belly, wrapped in complete warmth of blankets, with the only parts showing being his head, and his butt cheeks. He had a terrible diaper rash, but it was sooooo cute.

It really was not long before we were celebrating their 1st birthday. Cake and ice cream everywhere. It was time to take their binkys away. This was a big step. Emmi already walking, and Jayden crawling like a madman, ready to start. Then their first trip to the beach.
Then of course it was not long after that, they turned two. Terrible twos, times two. They really were not too bad at age two. Maybe they never really got any better, and that is why I did not recognize how terrible they were. But seriously did not recognize them being bad. I love having two. They started separating so much more personality wise. Emmi started standing out as the independent one, and Jayden showed how dependent he was to mommy. But they are so adorable, as seen below.
Years 3, 4, and 5 went by even quicker. I am so happy to have been able to see them. Once I found out I had cancer, the first thing that saddened me was the fact that I might be able to see them grow up. I would miss so much, and all I had been able to see is just the beginning of their lives. They turned six, and here is where they are at:

Independent Emmi. Man is she. She is so independent that her teacher so far this year is stuck on what to do with her. To keep from using the word "bossy", I will use assistive-outspoken. She does not always tell someone what to do, she assists them with the right answer. Most of the time, she answers Jays questions for him. I love it most of the time, because she is smart and quick, and it is something I want her to show off. She is often labeled "sassy" because of her speed. I am inclined to agree. She is so grown up.

Dependant Jayden. Non-stop energy, and non-stop fun. He is always wanting to do something fun. And boy is he talented. He is going to be an artist, it is showing already. He is very hidden analytical. He does not retain every detail, but he is aware of what is going on, even when you do not think he is. His smile melts most people, and he knows it. He is definitely the strong one, as I contribute it to his energy. He is so grown up.

It saddens me to an extent to see them start school this year, because it starts the part of their lives that ends when they are adults, and out on their own. It feels like yesterday they were born, and man has time already flown. I can't even imagine how fast the next 12 years are going to be, as their days are going by so fast already. They are learning so much already, and it won't take long before they overtake us on the intelligence side, and we will not be able to help them with their homework :).

10 Times the Stress, Divided by 1/2 the Time....

Talk about the most difficult few months of my life. Work is attempting to press past my abilities to deal with it. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my family. My family life is almost stronger than ever.

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH MY JOB!! (there, I said it)

I am pushing an average of 60 more hours every week. I am working 6 days a week right now. I just got off of a 10 day stretch, and 1 day off in 14. I am WORE out. There seems to be more to do in my work week, than what I physically have time for. This is no joke. I have 7 individual assessments of my specialist due every week. I have just been added another 6 to do every week. A 1-on-1 with my store manager. Several operational tasks. 3 meetings. Operational reviews. Installed sales office operations. Commercial Sales Operations. Then in the off-time, I get to be on the salesfloor, finally working with customers, and the rest of the employees. I am beginning to wonder if this is really what I want to do.

My most difficult aspect of all of this is only getting to see my kids for MAYBE and hour a day. I only get to see them 1 day a week. I only get to spend good quality 1-on-2 time with them for 16 hours on that day. This is a difficult piece to the puzzle for me. At what point in my life will I sacrifice too much time away from them, to the point where it hurts?

I know that what I am doing is for my children, but I am truly unhappy not being able to see them more. At this point in my career, the position I currently have is not even close to being as important as the loss of time with my kids. I really have missed so much already with them. And I continue to each week.

I really enjoy working with my store manager. I respect the man, as a manager, as a leader, and as a person. I feel bad that I am letting him down so much, and certain repeat failures that I cannot seem to get my people to turn around. Are my people not following me because I am not the leader that it takes? I know the responsibility is mine either way. I am going to start looking around, for multiple reasons. It is going to be a hard thing to talk to him about, but I know he will want to know ahead of time.

I really wish I had a choice. I really wish I continued school, so that I could provide for my family, and still would be able to be here with them more. I wish I did not have the stress, self-induced or not, that causes more strain on my job. I wish my blood pressure was not 153/96 due to this stress. I wish I did not feel selfish about wanting out of my current job position.

I know how to fix most of my problems at work, the problem with doing this is that it will continue the issue of time away from home. I know I have the leadership skills necessary to turn my people around. Do I have the patience? Do I have the tenacity? Do I have the confidence? Only time will tell.

Luckily I have my wife to keep my up a positive attitude, and both her and the kids to keep me smiling :)

This concludes my thoughts of the week.

Retail Memorial Day?

I have to post this because I am torn in defense of two thoughts. Laugh please ahead of time, because I placed a point to a conversation made about Lowe's, on Lowe's Facebook Review Page. It was my opinion actually, attached to someone else's opinion.

Below is a Fan of Lowe's Facebook, with his opinion about the Lowe's Memorial Day Commercial:

Mikey Hunter " I'm very disappointed in Lowe's. I know that everything that was once a meaningful holiday, is now just a reason to goof off. I know that the season's change and the world moves on, but I find it very disrespectful for Lowe's to spit in the face of Veterans. Memorial Day should be about rememering those that sacrificed the most they could, their life. They gave it to defend their country, to protect their fellow brothers and sisters in uniform, their family, their religious beliefs or the freedom to choose who or how to believe, and their way of life. I'm sure they donate to the military, but for them to air a commercial where a customer says that "Memorial Day is about havin fun" is a direct slap to those that sacrificed their life for this country. I also know that they have the freedom to do so, and I respect that, but doesn't mean that I have to sit quiet about it. I'm sure there are those that may read this and disagree and that is fine. I'm just exercising my right as well. So be safe this weekend and remember the true meaning of this weekend. Thanks to all of those that gave the ultimate sacrifice....their lives.



Here is my reply to his post:


Mikey... I have been hoping to find the commercial online, and cannot. So, I am not 100% clear on the message that was portrayed. I have always believed in Memorial Day as a day to remember those that sacrificed for the freedoms we all enjoy today. I have family that has served, and currently. Memorial Day is special to many people in many ways. I am no way disagreeing with your post. I am also not agreeing with it either, just adding my thoughts to it.

Not to repeat myself, but Memorial Day is a day of remembrance. Just Memorial Day. If the weekend was the time of remembrance, it would not be called Memorial Day nationally, it would be memorial weekend only, or memorial days. Monday is the day of remembrance, when we all officially gather to remember.

Having said that, face the actual fact that "Memorial Weekend" is a Retail focused weekend. It has been since the 1980's, and will continue to be. It is definitely not only Lowe's advertising this, it is EVERY retailer out there. It is nationally a weekend when BILLIONS are spent on celebration, remembrance, graduations, every year (year after year).

Could Lowe's have marketed it in the commercial differently? Sure. I believe it was not the intention. They are a company that will give veterans a discount all year long because of their service, a company that deems it is important due to this. Is Lowe's a company that is heartless on a DAY of remembrance? Certainly not.


Please tell me what you think... I want a few more opinions, because I am sure to get them from Facebook users too. :)