Hello Happiness, I Welcome Thee...

Does sacrifice and happiness coexist as antagonists in everyone's life? Is happiness always in a state of flux? Should happiness always be in a state of flux? Does anyone have the answers to prioritization of ones happiness and surroundings of happiness? I know, that is a lot of happiness in one paragraph...

Let me explain why this is the only thing on my mind recently...

Sometime at the end of July a discussion at opportunity to have what one would call a "normal" life occurred. Until recently (the last 12 months), I had considered myself to be a person with a "normal" life. I have a wife, kids, a job, the house, my motorcycle... and yes, even man's best friend. This discussion was the only change that I would have wanted 10 years ago, but dismissed it with the fact that sacrifice for the family is acceptable.

The discussion was working the perfect schedule, "bankers hours".

Once again, until 12 months ago, I would have dismissed it. But my current situation at

my job has my leadership questioned, which does not make me happy. Therefore, this discussion was a seed that at the current point in my life, grew extremely fast. The fact that I had gotten to see my kids every day on my days off ALL summer long, really did not help. The fact that they are back to school currently, does not assist either.

The seed consumed my brain in so many different directions, but mostly involved my kids. I work retail hours right now. This means I work three shifts, 6a-5p, 8a-7p, and 12p-10p. 12 out of the 20 days I work in a month, are 12p-10p. On those days, I see my kids 20 minutes a day. 20 MINUTES! All of the other shifts, I am home just in time to miss supper, or not really be involved in any other activities, such as soccer, karate, and any other sport they may decide to play.

I get one weekend off a month, which allows me time to visit my family up north, with my kids. This means that I do not often get to do anything different on my weekends off, or rarely stay home.

My daughter has recently alerted me that she would like to learn how to play the drums. I would LOVE to be able to teach her, but the days that I have to work, are not easily made to stick to a schedule for such appointments.

My wife never gets a break from the kids, which would also be easier if I were home ev

ery evening and weekend. Not that she needs it, but I know it helps, she enjoys the breaks without being straight up about it.

Obviously in all of these cases, there are benefits that would be nice for me. I would get to go on more motorcycle trips with my biker friends down here, my biker family up north, and maybe even visit my new friends. I would get to make plans in advance, not be tied down to the retail schedule, and not have to worry about being called in for work...

Long story short (not really), I pretty much immediately was open for the idea. "There might be future opportunities opening up." And one did. The only problem was the stability of unknown. The company that I would work for is a strong company with a bright future. There is always outside possibilities that would cause lay-offs. I fully believe at the rate the company is going, it probably won't happen. The last problem is it is the company my wife works for, which would affect us both.

I was still for it, and left the decision with my wife. The answer was no.

I was immediately torn. I could have totally made the decision for myself, and would have been happier than before. (and probably more into the future). BUT my wife would not be as happy. There lies the ultimate question that I started this blog entry with. Does sacrifice and

happiness coexist as antagonists in everyone's life?

I know how the saying goes "Happiness is giving to others". At what point are you allowed to make a choice to give yourself happiness?

I love my kids so much, and have already seen how much I have missed the last almost 7 years of their lives. I know what the future will be bringing, especially if my current company keeps making the same choices that they have been in the past. I know for a fact that my kids will turn out great, because we have learned how to raise them in the current flux of retail scheduling.

So...

I will continue to work my current job with the focus to improve, and grow, and provide leadership necessary. My kids will grow up not seeing me the way that I would like them to. I will go through life with the my kids having school events with only one parent present. But I will not be as happy as I could be, and that is going to be the toughest part, regretfully.

Now.... The positive note.

I am done with my blog, and I leave you with a pic. :)

Why Weight??

It has been 4 years since I was in the best shape of my adult life. 4 years. I was working out 5 days a week, eating healthy, and had an overall confident feeling about what I looked like. I was lifting weights, jogging, and emulating one of my friends who I looked to as a fitness expert. My ultimate goal was to keep from being in the state I am today... edge of medical obesity, and in terrible cardiovascular shape.

It was easy then. I was a Zone Manager at my work, and was able to make a repetition of what I did daily at work. I was able to eat 6 times a day, healthy food at that. I was able to plan my "office" breaks where I worked on the computer, and eat carrots (or something like it). I was able to work out on my lunch breaks, which worked out well. I took time, and planned my meals for the following 7 days, and know exactly how much I needed to buy of everything. I had the support of my wife to work out after work if I was not able to on lunch. I was able to get my weight down to 183lbs (losing 40lbs), even with adding some serious muscle to the mix.

And then....

I received a promotion. I went from working decently hard at work, and working out on my lunch break.... to working hard all day long, even through my lunch. I really wanted to keep going on my breaks. It was a GREAT thing to do. I had paid $165 a year to join the Community Center, and this is a total steal! I was looked at differently. One of my Cuban employees even called me "flaquito", which is spanish for really skinny. I had never felt better in my life....

It is amazing that at the same time of me NOT working out anymore, I stopped eating healthy. Most of the time it was not that I was not eating healthy, it was that I was not eating at all. This usually does not work out very well. Not only are you not pulling the nutrients that are necessary, but you are also screwing up your metabolism. I will tell you that the few times I did eat... it was while I worked, and it was fast food.

Then a few months later, I was diagnosed with cancer. WOW! Talk about a real slap in the face. Best shape of my life... really took care of my body... slap in the face. The worst thing, and probably the part that changed my mind on how much I cared about the shape of my body the most, was my second surgery. It was labeled an RPLND, or Retro-Peritoneal Lymph Node Dissection. Basically... They cut me open from Sternum to 2 inches below my belly-button. While doing this, they went around my belly-button, completely destroying my abs on an almost permanent basis.

I know.... I am still alive. For that reason I am 100% cool with it... and blessed. But it does not assist me in thinking that I can get back to the way I was. I mean, my 6-pack (not beer) was awesome! Luckily, it is still there, and will reform, but with an incision right down the middle. I do not consider myself a man that cares about what people think... especially about my pale freckled body. I did increase the personal pride in accomplishment of how in-shape I was. So when I look at it, it does hinder some of my drive to be healthy.

4 years and 6 days from Cancer diagnosis... I started a "healthy eating" plan. Some call it a diet... and I suppose it is in some aspects. The reason I started it was I had to go to the doctor because I had a nasty cold. This cold was also the 3rd I had in 5 weeks. Something just was not right. When I got the to doc, they needed to take my weight and blood pressure. Let me put this into perspective for a sec.

The medical chart of weight-to-height ratio for me is 174-178lbs.

January 1st, 2006 - I weighed 223lbs

July 14th, 2006 - I weighed 183lbs.

My weight as of January 8th, 2011 - 247lbs.

WOW! Basically, I was 70lbs over the charts. This explained why I could not kick the colds... and why I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. Holy cow! I had to do something about this. After seeing the doc about my foot also, it takes a minimum of 9 months to heal plantar fasciitis with a combo of stretching, weight loss, and proper shoe inserts. The other issue I have is blood pressure. I have been trending about 150/98. This is too high. i know weight has something to do with it, and I know my cardio has a lot to do with it. My family has a history of high blood pressure, so I need to keep it down. So... Immediately I started changing a few things...

I am tracking my food intake even more than I did when I lost weight the last time. I have this awesome Android app called MyFitnessPal. It gives me the ability to track my caloric intake (as well as other nutrients), my exercise, and a few other tools. All for free. I can even track it online, and it syncs with my phone app. I have started out slow on the eating change, gotta shrink my stomach down to a manageable level. I have started out with no exercise, and eating healthy. With the amount of work I do, I have started out with 1850 calories a day. Once I get down to 215lbs, I am going to start an exercise regiment.

I am also drinking a TON of water. I am drinking around 100-133 ounces a day. Other than water, I drink a cup of coffee in the morning... and a beer or two on the weekend. I have not had anything else since I started. I have cut out candy, high-fat content foods, and anything with cheese. I have not touched chocolate since the start (which is really tough).

As of last Friday, 6 weeks later, I am down to 219lbs. I feel amazing! I felt amazing after a few days of drinking nothing but water. I suggest everyone to do just that. I had so much more energy. I am a few short pounds away from being able to start my workout plan (which will consist of something that will not affect my plantar fasciitis). I am currently looking into the Anytime Fitness that just opened up around the corner from my house, which is incredibly convenient. The only issue I have is the price. The rec center in Athens is $165 a year ($13.75 a month). I think the rate at Anytime fitness is around $40 a month. The nice thing is that I can go at 11pm after work, or 10am before work.

I am totally engaged in heading the fit direction that I am heading. I am competing towards my goal of 200lbs with my wife, who has her own goal. Of course, 200 is my initial goal, and as soon as I hit that, I will be focusing on 185lbs, which will be my final goal (depending on outside influences(foot)).

I am 29, and I am not getting younger. My body has shown me in the last few months that if I do not get healthy, I will continue to have ailments. I want to keep in the shape that I expect my kids to work for. I want to be able to play soccer/football/baseball/karate with Jayden when I am 40. I want to be able to ride my bicycle/cheerlead/play sports with Emmi. (did I say cheerlead?) I want to be a part of their lives, and be able to sustain.

To anyone else reading this, why wait? Why wait until it is too late to engage yourself, when there are so many tools to assist you? I realize how much easier it is to eat fast food. It is quick and convenient. Eating healthy takes planning. I spend $12 for my meals I take to work for 5 days. I used to spend $8 on a Wendy's meal. You do the math. Try MyfitnessPal, (I am shanedo1) and try a healthier lifestyle... it will pay off.

I gotta get off here... forgot to mention of how drinking 100 ounces of water a day causes many trips to the bathroom. :)

In Search of my Origin...

I am usually not into assignments of research that are difficult, unless I am getting paid for it. For some odd reason, I have really gotten into finding my origin. There are a few reasons why this has become important to me. Those reasons are not very exciting, so I do not know where the "drive" for answers is coming from.

I think that most of my drive comes from a family member, and a friend, who seems to be more in touch with their lineage. I am not sure whether "in touch" is the proper description. More like, "knowledge with greater ease", of their lineage. I would venture to say the "ease" part is due to the fact the lineage is more directed. They know more about their ancestors because they have less branching out to other races/origins.

Ugh...

I really want to know what I am. It is going to be impossible, and I should probably just call myself irish based on my last name. But that does not mean that I am 100% irish. But is anyone 100% anything anymore?? Ultimately, even if my name is irish descent, my irish ancestors probably moved from another country before ireland was declared a country.

I have read many different origin definitions of the surname Dowell. All of them lead back to the Gaelic form Mac Dubhghaill, which mostly points to Scottish heritage. But the Scots and Welsh came from ireland. So once again, Irish is the focus.

Of course, if you look at my family tree (using husband/wife only), I have English blood, German blood, Irish blood, and Scottish now. Most of this is based off of last names, and will continue to fork out.

If I take this to the furthest degree, and follow surname origins only, I may have 200 differents names, with 50 origins. Out of those 50 origins, I could figure what percentage is what. But should I just say I am Scottish? Or should I go all the way back to Irish?

I guess either way, I am doing some serious Family Tree research, which not many people have done in my family. So I will have something to keep passing down amongst the generations below me. I do not know how far I want to take it above me, because I could certainly enter in siblings, and their children. I feel that it would get pushed way out of whack, and I know there will be discrepancies then.

In all seriousness, some of my drive to do this also is so that my family also has some direction of their past. Believe me, I want that also. I would love to sit down with my Grandpa and Grandma Dowell and show them their lineage, because I am not sure how far back they know. The beauty of this whole project so far is how far back I have the Dowell side.

1690!! That is over 320 years ago. And obviously it goes back further, but I would have to have pretty accurate records from England. John Dowell moved here from England to Greenfield, Va. He was one of the founders of Prince William County, Va.

On the Bulen/Bullen/Boleyn side (who married my Dowell Grandfather), I have been made aware of a famous relative of mine from the past, Anne Boleyn. Here is the wiki articel about her Anne Boleyn Pretty interesting stuff.

I have found on the Harshbarger side (mom's grandmothers lineage) some information on Henry Harshbarger, a sergeant in the Civil War. I actually have a obituary from the Early 1800's of him. But I will not get much further than that, because his parents had a different spelling of the last name. Examples; Harshberger, Hirshberger, Hirshbarger.

Ugh... Again...

So I am finding some pretty cool information, and my Grandmother has given a large amount to work on on my mom's grandmothers side, so it will keep me busy.

I hope to eventually figure out what I am really looking for. I guess I hope it takes some time, because if I figure it out, I will probably stop looking... and the family tree search will be over for all of my family.

Until then, Kiss Me I'm Irish+Scottish+German+English will have to do. Do you think they make t-shirts like that???

:-)