10 Times the Stress, Divided by 1/2 the Time....

Talk about the most difficult few months of my life. Work is attempting to press past my abilities to deal with it. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my family. My family life is almost stronger than ever.

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH MY JOB!! (there, I said it)

I am pushing an average of 60 more hours every week. I am working 6 days a week right now. I just got off of a 10 day stretch, and 1 day off in 14. I am WORE out. There seems to be more to do in my work week, than what I physically have time for. This is no joke. I have 7 individual assessments of my specialist due every week. I have just been added another 6 to do every week. A 1-on-1 with my store manager. Several operational tasks. 3 meetings. Operational reviews. Installed sales office operations. Commercial Sales Operations. Then in the off-time, I get to be on the salesfloor, finally working with customers, and the rest of the employees. I am beginning to wonder if this is really what I want to do.

My most difficult aspect of all of this is only getting to see my kids for MAYBE and hour a day. I only get to see them 1 day a week. I only get to spend good quality 1-on-2 time with them for 16 hours on that day. This is a difficult piece to the puzzle for me. At what point in my life will I sacrifice too much time away from them, to the point where it hurts?

I know that what I am doing is for my children, but I am truly unhappy not being able to see them more. At this point in my career, the position I currently have is not even close to being as important as the loss of time with my kids. I really have missed so much already with them. And I continue to each week.

I really enjoy working with my store manager. I respect the man, as a manager, as a leader, and as a person. I feel bad that I am letting him down so much, and certain repeat failures that I cannot seem to get my people to turn around. Are my people not following me because I am not the leader that it takes? I know the responsibility is mine either way. I am going to start looking around, for multiple reasons. It is going to be a hard thing to talk to him about, but I know he will want to know ahead of time.

I really wish I had a choice. I really wish I continued school, so that I could provide for my family, and still would be able to be here with them more. I wish I did not have the stress, self-induced or not, that causes more strain on my job. I wish my blood pressure was not 153/96 due to this stress. I wish I did not feel selfish about wanting out of my current job position.

I know how to fix most of my problems at work, the problem with doing this is that it will continue the issue of time away from home. I know I have the leadership skills necessary to turn my people around. Do I have the patience? Do I have the tenacity? Do I have the confidence? Only time will tell.

Luckily I have my wife to keep my up a positive attitude, and both her and the kids to keep me smiling :)

This concludes my thoughts of the week.